Infidelity

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Please note:  This page is currently under construction.

Infidelity in relationships commonly leads people to seek help. Proof or suspicion of a loved one’s affair can create mistrust and instability in one’s primary relationship that may also bleed over into other areas of people’s lives, including their performance at work or school or their ability to be fully present for their children.

I can help you find healing and forgiveness with the following scenarios:

I am cheating on my spouse/partner.

You never thought you could cheat on someone.  You may even feel this way because you were cheated on in the past.  Or you felt appalled when you found out that one of your parents may have committed infidelity.  You might feel guilty that you are having an affair.  Or you might not.

More than anything, you are confused.  The person you are with, the person you need to keep secret is someone you have feelings for.  You don’t know how you could live without them in your life.  This person has changed you.  They have changed you so much that you are not sure what to be.

You are having difficulty managing two relationships, your professional image, your parenting responsibilities and other family obligations.  Your life feels like everything is in free-fall and you have no confidence you’ll get out of this unscathed.  You have not told your primary partner about your other relationship, but you are not sure whether they might know you have become hyper-aware of your own moves and covering your tracks.  This is getting exhausting.

Counseling is helpful when you find yourself feeling uncertain, worried, hopeless, and confused.  You might find that having the space to share this secret with another human being can free you.  It may allow you to center yourself and make sense of a situation and find the way to make some potentially life-altering decisions about the relationships you are in.

My partner/spouse found out about me.

Your life has become tangled in a web of uncertainty.  That amplified when your partner confronted you with the knowledge that you have been having an affair.  You have a sinking and sick feeling of shame, anger, and confusion about your future.  Your partner may have threatened to leave you, to prevent you from seeing your children or pets, or to withdraw financial support.  They may also have threatened to shame you publicly via social media or at your workplace.  They may also have called your other partner and intimidated them.  They may beg you to terminate the relationship and work on your marriage, but you are not sure you want to do either of those things.

Your feelings are heightened.  You are experiencing panic and anxiety and worrying about what will happen next.  You vacillate between feeling guilty for creating this stressful situation into your life, but you also have suffered the erosion of your marital satisfaction for many years.

You need to experience calm.  You’ve kept this relationship and the shock of discovery from everyone around you.  You need to feel supported and not judged.  Seeking counseling will clear your mind enough to decide what next steps are best for you.  Therapy is where you feel empowered to know what to do.  And you will feel better knowing that you are doing what is in the best interest of yourself and your family, even though there will be pain along the way.

I am seeing a married man/woman.

Some time ago, you met the most interesting person.  Maybe you met at work and started having lunch together.  Or he started lingering at your cubicle.  Eventually, you went out together and as time went by, you were dating regularly.  You might have known he was married.  Or maybe you didn’t.  You decided to go for it either way and continued to see each other, even though you swore you would never be involved in someone’s infidelity.

This person has been very special to you.  For a long time.  You get each other and both of you wish you could be together.  But he is not free to make your relationship official.  In fact, you have only been able to share this with a few close friends.  You find yourself dreading holidays when your relatives ask you why you aren’t seeing anyone.  Because only you know that the person you are seeing is home with his wife and children.

He has asked you to wait for him.  And you are confused.  You care deeply for this person, but yet, you have a sense sometimes that you deserve better for yourself.  You want to be able to be public, but sometimes you are willing to keep him a secret, if that is what will keep him.  You also feel conflicted that while you are involved in this person’s infidelity, many aspects of the relationship also feel good.

You may want to get to the bottom of this for yourself.  While a therapist or counselor will not make the decision for you, you want to hash this our with someone and decide how to proceed.

We want to stay together.

One of you has engaged in a relationship with someone else and you have decided to move forward together. Taking the necessary steps involved requires willingness and commitment and can result in renewed emotional connection.

In some occasions, it might be beneficial to seek individual counseling when you want to stay together.  Both members of the relationship may have feelings of their own to work out individually with a therapist.  While I do not currently work with couples, I can make suitable referrals to you.

If you’d like to know more about my decision to work only with individuals, please click here:

Why I Don’t See Couples

Check out my blog if you’d like to read more about infidelity:

http://snyderlcsw.com/category/infidelity/

If you’d like to explore the possibility of working with me, please call me at 201-248-5552 or email me at christine@snyderlcsw.com.  My office is located at 107 East Mount Pleasant Avenue, Livingston, NJ, 07039.