Few topics are harder to talk about than infidelity.
It really gets people riled up. You wouldn’t be keeping it a secret otherwise. Sure, I totally understand that if partners promise to be true to each other and that is not honored, it doesn’t go over well at all. Naturally there is anger and judgment. And disbelief and despair.
What you don’t need right now is judgment. Especially from someone who can help you.
Infidelity is a far-reaching issue, in the sense that it encompasses so many things and affects us in so many different ways. In my practice, I work with clients who undergo the pain of a partner seeing someone else as well as the person who leaves the relationship to be with someone else.
(If your partner is in another relationship right now and you want to read about how I can help you, please click here.)
From my work with clients, it is so hard to use the word “cheating” to describe this situation. Yeah, it’s how we all know it in our language. All those types of words…cheating, affair, betrayal, adultery. I really try to avoid using them because I think it limits our understanding of the big picture.
Because I see people through a compassionate lens, I can’t distill someone’s whole life experience down to a “cheater”. If this is the side of the equation that you fall on at this point in time, there is much more to you than that.
It’s a safe bet that you did not plan for this to happen. Not when you fell in love with your partner. Or when you said “I do”. Not when you welcomed your children into the world.
While you may feel the judgment of others, for many people, this is one of the hardest challenges of their lives.
I’m going to bet you don’t go around telling the world that you are seeing another man or another woman. You have so much fear that your secret will get out. Or you cannot risk feeling the judgment of others. What you need right now is someone who will listen.
You can’t continue to feel the anxiety, panic, or depression increasing. You find it hard to get out of bed in the morning or engage in activities to avoid dealing with how you feel. Your sleep could be off or your anxiety is through the roof. Crying is something that happens more often and you don’t have control over it at times.
What you are experiencing is totally understandable. Between the feelings you have about the person you are seeing and balancing your primary relationship, you feel lost and confused.
You can begin making sense of your life.
I support whatever you choose for yourself. I am not here to tell you what to do. You are an adult and can choose the direction of your own life. And at a time like this, you need to feel heard.
If you would like to work with me, I offer a free 15-minute phone or video consultation. My physical office is located in Livingston, NJ. At this time, I see clients on a secure online platform and can see anyone in the state of New Jersey. Please reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.