Many men arrive in my office after years of carrying burdens on their own. They tell me, “I should have done this sooner,” or “I didn’t think talking would really help.” By the time they reach out, the pain has usually become overwhelming—whether in the form of stress, anger, loneliness, or the quiet heaviness of depression.
Why do so many men wait? The reasons are complex, but here are some of the most common ones I hear in my work.
- The Pressure to “Handle It” Alone
From a young age, many boys are taught that strength means self-reliance. Asking for help can feel like weakness, even when life’s challenges become unmanageable. Men often shoulder stress silently, believing that if they just work harder or push through, things will get better. Therapy can feel like admitting defeat, when in reality, it’s an act of courage.
- Symptoms Don’t Always Look Like “Depression”
Many men imagine depression as constant sadness or tears. But often it shows up differently: irritability, withdrawal, anger, or overworking. These signs can fly under the radar—both for the men experiencing them and the people around them—leading to years of unnecessary suffering before seeking help.
- The Role of Relationships
It’s often a spouse, partner, or family member who first encourages a man to try therapy. This isn’t because men don’t feel their own pain, but because they’ve learned to minimize it. They’ll tolerate discomfort themselves, but when it begins to affect loved ones, they realize something needs to change.
- Not Knowing What Therapy Really Is
I practice from a psychoanalytic lens, meaning that we talk extensively about the impact of your childhood as well as your fantasies and dreams. Lying on the couch is not necessary, but if you are interested in doing so, it could allow you more freedom to say whatever comes to mind. Therapy is a space to be understood, to explore patterns that keep repeating, and to develop new ways of being. Far from being passive, it asks for active courage—the courage to look inward.
- The Turning Point
Most men who begin therapy eventually discover that it’s not a sign of weakness, but of strength. Taking the step to sit down with another person and open up is deeply human. It allows for growth, healing, and a sense of freedom that carrying everything alone never provides.
A Final Thought
If you’ve been thinking about therapy but putting it off, you’re not alone. Many men wait until things feel unbearable. But you don’t have to. Therapy can not only relieve suffering, but also to rediscover purpose, connection, and strength on your own terms. If you’re ready to start therapy, I look forward to speaking with you. You can call me at 201-248-5552 or email me at cmgsnyder@gmail.com.